How Do I Get Motivated?

Here I am again. This was the day after the epic hike to the top of Masatiompan and passed the ogham stone. It was a group hike to the top of Mount Brandon. A hike I didn't make because -- well, I couldn't make it.

So I want to be able to reach beautiful places that are off the beaten path. That requires effort and determination. And I can sometimes muster those things. But not lately. I am in a job that is slowly sucking the life out of me -- one where I am on my feet eight hours a day (or in the case of today 10 hours). So when I get home I am sore, and grumpy, and exhausted and looking to do anything but lift weights or drive to the gym. How do I conquer that desire to just soak in a warm tub and then go to bed?

It isn't just trying to fire up my motivation. It's the food ... my drug of choice. Work is unnecessarily stressful. Ridiculously stressful. And it's unhealthy. The job itself is simple and straightforward. Retail in that sense is pretty easy. Keep it Clean, Keep it Neat, Keep it Full. Oh yeah, and help people (whatever). But yes, it's simple. But it seems that over the course of the last three years my job has slowly been sapping me of joy. It's soul crushing. To counteract that I eat crap at work: Chips, donuts, chocolate milk. It's the momentary thrill and rush that my brain has convinced me will help me through. So sure, I can be grateful it isn't drugs or alcohol, but being overweight, stressing myself out, and eating like a 12 year old can be just as deadly.  I'm probably a ticking time bomb.

So I'm tired, I stress eat, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life to get out of the retail nightmare and in to something that actually uses my Master's degree - or at least my ability to write - or maybe just use my brain. It's a lot. And I haven't even talked about the depression that comes with all of that, especially during the summer months (yes, I said summer months). How do I squeeze in exercise with all that? I don't know, but I have to figure it out. I am not comfortable with where I am (professionally, personally, physically) and ultimately I am the only one that can change that (or some rich benefactor I haven't met yet).

But it wasn't always like this. Underneath the extra pounds is this person on the right. That's me 34 years ago. And I agree, that many of us are a bit larger than we were in our freshman year of college, or right after high school. But part of the reason I was so thin - even thinner than my sister who has always been smaller than me - is because I was cycling to work every single day. I worked at various Fotomat Kiosks back in the summer of 1985 and I rode by bike to work across Rochester, NY. I didn't get a driver's license until I graduated college three years later!

Unfortunately, cycling to work is out of the question where I live - and I am at work by 6 AM. Crazy drivers, darkness, and bad roads make it a death wish. But somewhere underneath all this extra weight is that person. Maybe I can't get back to that point, but if I can figure a few things out maybe I can get somewhere close.