I was supposed to be getting in the best shape of my life when I changed the title of this blog. And that was my goal. I was tired of not being able to shop off the rack when buying clothes. I was tired of outdoor companies promising larger sizes for bigger women only to find they weren't in stores, or not in my store ...making it necessary to go back to buying ill-fitting men's clothes for hiking. And let's not talk about cycling clothes ...
So I set out with high hopes and changed the blog to "hiking AND cycling big" ... and was going to be on that bike as much as I could. And then ...
I have not been on my bike in over 5 years. Not since the last MS150 City to Shore Ride here in New Jersey. I earned my MA in American History while working full time, put on another 20 pounds or so ... and have watched my body slowly deteriorate since then. And by "deteriorate" I mean joint pain, and degenerative disc and joint disease. Incredible back pain. Carpal Tunnel that required surgery. Bursitis in my foot, heel spurs ...and so it goes.
The back pain is most acute at night when I go to bed. I can and am on my feet all day at work - a retail requirement - and the pain is mild - occasionally moderate. But after periods of rest, or while I am trying to fall asleep, certain movements will cause it to spasm. And the spasms feel like severe sciatica. I have been in physical therapy - and it certainly helped the foot pain, but seems to be making no real difference with the back pain. I keep asking my physical therapist if this is just my life now - a cycle of pain and degenerative issues that will prevent me from losing the weight or getting into shape as I watch old age quickly approach. She assures me that nothing is impossible, and nothing is set in stone. That I can get out of this. But I don't feel so sure.
And I get it ... this is all on me .. the food choices and the sedentary turn my life has taken. My job, which it turns out is "essential," is not kind to the body. Standing and walking on concrete floors covered by a thin layer of carpet, up and down stairs, lifting heavy totes and twisting awkwardly as I move them from stack to cart to pallet have all exacerbated the degeneration of my discs and joints which are compromised by the weight already.
I think I have a small window of time left to try and reverse some of the effects of my poor food choices and general physical stagnation. If I don't do something I will be heading into old age with an already broken body that will break down even faster -- and I had plans for my 60s and 70s -- maybe even my 80s -- that did not include Hover'rounds or wheel chairs or walkers. So, while the gyms are closed we are working on cleaning our very small basement and creating a very small exercise area - with enough space for an elliptical, a spin bike, a weight bench and an exercise ball. I either get this done now, or I am condemning myself to a very difficult transition into my golden years.
So 2020 ... if not now? When?
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